This is me now.

How it felt  when Nobody stood there to see you in person and listened, when everybody said they would catch your back.

Oh yeah people say that technology overcome all the distance. Yeah..you say.

Would it help you to understand?

You wouldn’t understand every single tear that dropped ‘cause i missed the ones that i loved

You wouldn’t understand the moments when i didn’t want to talk about anything, but i just need someone to sit next to me. Just sit and accompany me.
You wouldn't understand how my days are packed up in suitcases , and move from a place to place
You wouldn't understand the times as I got to my room, my door closed right behind my back, and in a sudden all I know that i'm alone. 

You wouldn’t understand the minute i’m staring blankly just because i have no clue about what to do or what to feel.

You wouldn’t understand the sadness inside when i’m remembering the good times

You wouldn’t understand how i miss to get home soon, right after office hour without dealing with the crazy traffic.

You wouldn’t understand the second i just closed my eyes and wished it would last just for a while and then i’d be home.

You wouldn’t understand how many times i said to myself , “if only i was there with them”.

You wouldn’t understand how it felt when i’m drowned into things to do, and i needed a space to break.

You wouldn’t understand how everthing just coming, but didn’t have anyone to talk to in person, pat me on the back and saying “it’s gonna be okay”.

You wouldn’t understand the fear inside when it comes to weekend, and i just spend my weekend in vain at home just because i have no one to go with

You wouldn’t understand how i missed to awake every morning and know that i’m home, with all the routines every morning, then my lousy and lazy dogs are barking to anyone who’s passing by .

You wouldn’t understand the fear i feel inside everytime my phone rings, and it shows numbers from hometown. The fear of feeling vulnerable just because i know that everytime i pick-up the phone, i will be longing for coming home.

You wouldn’t know how it feels to imagine my dreams, but then I realized I can’t carry along all I’ve had, so i just had to start let things go one by one. Slip through my fingers just like grains of sand, when all i wanted to do was to hold it in my hands tightly.

And Yes.. you wouldn’t understand how i try to manage myself to survive and adapting.

When someone saying “you’ve changed!”

You can’t expect  to be fine..you can’t expect me to face the day like nothing has changed.

Being misunderstood is just a small part of what i’ve been struggling for.

At last..as i said before in my Bio...I’m flawed... I made mistake..and I’m sorry. I can’t be perfect for everyone, but at least i’m trying to bring out the best in me. This is me now.